The Reason Why

Why a 'sacred' dome?

Well, simply because, after I have done all that needs to be done for my dear sons and husband, only then do I sit down to create in my own private space, in my own private time (if I haven't dropped off to sleep with my children after reading and singing to them, that is)...And 'dome', because this space is my vault where each piece of writing is a prayer towards self-realization and achievement. Yes, lofty words, I admit.

Which is why I like Woolf's words in 'A Room of One's Own' (1929), that are pertinent even today:

"I told you in the course of this paper that Shakespeare had a sister; but do not look for her in Sir Sidney Lee’s life of the poet. She died young—alas, she never wrote a word. She lies buried where the omnibuses now stop, opposite the Elephant and Castle. Now my belief is that this poet who never wrote a word and was buried at the cross–roads still lives. She lives in you and in me, and in many other women who are not here to–night (Woolf was speaking at Cambridge), for they are washing up the dishes and putting the children to bed."

A world where women would have a voice, a room of their own to write, and an income (of course, how is one to survive otherwise, as one writes?). Thanks to the efforts of Woolf and of our many vocal and brave foremothers, most of us today enjoy the opportunity for higher education (I say 'most' because of Malala Yousafzai); most of us may freely and safely work for our living (again, 'most' because of the 23 year old Indian female medical student who was raped by 6 men in a moving bus in New Delhi, and who died after battling for her life in the hospital last week); and lastly, most of us don't need to extend our hands to beg for financial assistance from the men in our families ('most' because neither is every woman financially independent, nor is every dependent women happy in her position).

However, despite having won some victories (the freedom of expression and the right to education and employment) yet we are often bound (in a way, undeniably and unexpectedly) by that very creative power that men resent us for, and that is termed 'womb envy'.

While most of us have smooth pregnancies and deliveries, some of us are taken unawares by the challenges before-during-after pregnancy. Some of us even have near-death experiences due to some complication during childbirth, that leave us drained out. But that is only the physical side of the issue.

Mentally and emotionally, we are propelled into 'caregiver-nurturer' mode and suffer agonizing choices to be made in the face of constant pressure from family, our employers, and our communities, in surprising ways.

Many of us don't want to leave our children in daycare while we set off for work, but many are forced to, by virtue of being single mothers/divorcees or (as is more often the case), for fear of losing our jobs in a system that offers minimal maternity and no paternity leave.

We wonder, 'Why have kids when you are not prepared to take a few years off work to care for them?'. Well, when you know you're basically fried career-wise for the noble act of sustaining the human race, then most women typically shy away from taking a few years off. Also, neither is every woman made to be a housewife, nor can every woman effectively deal with politics - sometimes, it is easier to deal with corporates games than it is to confront passive-aggressive behavior with all-women cliques.

The next question, 'But isn't motherhood all about unconditional love and sacrifice?' Sure, but we're mothers, not saints. We're individuals who are leading a couple or more children, not an entire flock. We understand that 'sustaining the human race' does not end with childbirth alone, but more importantly, that it begins with child rearing. I secretly think some of us (especially the baby-boomers - our moms, that is) are surprised to discover that this parental 'duty' is for life :).

We agree, not all of us are perfect, just as not all men are perfect either. So after the unconditional love and sacrifice has been given/made, the children are off to school, and we're back to seeking an occupation (that pays, keeps us intellectually challenged, socially connected, and focused on self-improvement), the fact is that the system does not welcome us as it once had.

Which brings us back to Woolf's point - the importance of having a room of one's own to serve as an incubatory space for women to get back up on their feet, job-wise. We have lately been reading about the potential of the very dynamic female workforce. Women all over the world take time off work to have children and rear them. They face the same uncertainties as their sisters in the same life-stage, in other countries.

A sacred space, therefore, is still imperative...A space where women may write, create art, start and develop a business, reflect, improve themselves, educate themselves, arm themselves with the tools necessary to face the world outside again and again, with self-confidence and self-knowledge...all this while (and despite?) fulfiling their most important role of all - motherhood - for with freedom and rights also comes this responsibility that can neither be forgotten nor ignored.

This is what I seek in my blogs, my sacred space. As Woolf said, "Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind."

© The Sacred Dome (Jan 2013 – current).